Today search and rescue teams tragically confirmed that an entire group of mountain climbers died on the mountain everyone dies on.
“They were so excited to climb the mountain everyone dies on because of how cool it is that everyone dies on it—can’t believe they also died on it,” said the weeping wife of one of the climbers, who also leaves behind four children and a beautiful home in Seattle. “At least they died doing what they really loved, and that was doing stuff everyone dies doing.”
The mountain everyone dies on is known throughout the climbing world as one of the most popular mountains to climb and then almost definitely die on.
“Unlike other mountains people can usually climb, survive and then return from safely to fully enjoy the rest of their life with their loved ones, this mountain is special because everyone knows everyone dies climbing it,” said mountaineering legend Brock LeRoque. “Well, most die climbing it while some others die of pulmonary edema while drowning in shit at basecamp. Its obvious allure as a death trap to everyone who enters it is literally to die for.”
At press time, J.K. Rowling and Dave Chappelle’s legacies were also reportedly feared dead on the hill every transphobe’s legacy dies on.
