A Waymo’s pilot drive through Seattle came to an explosive end today after a half hour of trying to get through a five-way Green Lake stop resulted in it spontaneously combusting.
“God, finally,” said a driver who’d been trapped behind the self-driving vehicle and was relieved to roll over its tattered remains. “It’s like it was literally incapable of making up its mind. Everyone with at least half a brain knows as soon as there’s any chance of not hitting someone in a crosswalk, you just floor it. Are you gonna a hit a jogger now and then? Sure, but it’s the only way out.”
Waymo engineers hoping to convince Seattle to welcome a fleet of their robotaxis say they’re working on ways to improve the vehicle’s ability to not get stuck forever at complicated stop-sign intersections.
“Clearly the vehicle’s AI programming hasn’t learned enough from its human creators in Silicon Valley yet, but it’s getting there—any day now, we should be rolling out California rolls,” said Waymo CEO Dmitri Dolgov. “Once it finally masters Boston Lefts, quite frankly, it’s over for all you bitches.”
At press time, the only people in Seattle still interested in the city welcoming robotaxis were California transplants who said Waymos are basically just Seattle drivers with the added benefit of eventually exploding out of the way.
