After new reports of how closely the local tech giant works with Israel to surveil and kill thousands of Palestinian civilians, today CEO Satya Nadella clarified that Microsoft’s software and Azure Cloud are only being used to enable and plan war crimes, not carry them out.
“No Microsoft employee, software or Azure cloud computing service custom-made for the Israeli military is deliberately shooting children in the head, committing mass shootings of starving people standing in line for food, or launching airstrikes directly at the only journalists on the ground in Palestine who can report what’s really going on in Palestine,” said Nadella. “Microsoft employees, software and Azure cloud services are merely significantly helping Israel do all those things and worse—big, big difference.”
The clarification came as a huge relief to Microsoft employees and customers around the globe who do not support murdering civilians, war crimes, ethnic cleansing or genocide.
“It’s nice to know that Satya and Microsoft President Brad Smith have never picked up a sniper gun themselves to take out a child or journalist—they just help Israeli military forces do more of that themselves with greater efficiency,” said Microsoft customer Sarah Reynolds. “I can’t wait to get back to using Copilot to wash my hands of this sad topic with some questions about Taylor Swift’s engagement.”
At press time, Nadella also clarified he also did not commit the murder of several children at a local girls’ camp today, he just gave Travis Decker detailed directions to where they were when he asked.
