The Capitol Hill Block Party is this weekend and the gayborhood is low-key buzzing with excitement about how they’ll complain about it this year.
“Last year I complained about crowd control and how insane it is to have someone like Chappell Roan perform on such a narrow public street, and this year I’m amped to complain that Chappell Roan isn’t back here again,” said Capitol Hill resident Joey Wineman. “Who TF are Thundercat and Porter Robinson and how is our tiny neighborhood ever going to get back to our summer tradition of complaining about how impractical the location of this music festival is if the headliner isn’t Chappell Roan? Damn, that felt good. God, I love complaining.”
One Capitol Hill resident said that as much as they think they’d actually love to see performers, it’s just against tradition to cave and enjoy an amazing concert steps from where they live.
“Posting that you went to an Anderson.Paak concert in front of your chic apartment is one thing,” said local resident Elena Marvin. “Posting that you were just too fucking cool for that same concert? Now that’s a flex. Can’t wait to side-eye my coworkers that went on Monday.”
UW Professor of Sociology Alan Chakraborti confirmed hating the Capitol Hill Block Party is just as essential to Seattle’s culture and way of life as loving it for the two years of their youth they can recognize a single name on the festival lineup.
“Seattleites are top-tier connoisseurs of haterade,” said Chakraborti. “Casual observers may be surprised, but we have to remember that locals complaining about the vomiting woo girls and frat boys are really just preparing for the true highlight of whining season: Seafair.”
