With blistering summer days ahead, The Needling Test Kitchen compiled their favorite recipes for slowly roasting in your scalding hot apartment.
Sweat-Braised Renter with Rainier Marinade
Start by peeling the renter out of their Mariners jersey and applying them skin-side down to their roommate’s leather sofa. Flip the renter after five minutes and continue to sear on each side. Some skin may stick to the couch, but that’s ok – it came from Craigslist, after all. Once evenly browned, let the tenant rest in their own juices in a puddle on the floor while downing Rainier tallboys and dreaming of The Big Dark.
Box Fan Air Fryer Cat Lady
Create a micro-studio sized convection oven with an array of box fans. The indoor tornado should distribute kitty litter throughout the entire apartment for a thorough seasoning. Take the cat lady out of the oven when her library books are due.
Landlord a la Mode
Catch one free-range landlord with the promise of a rent check. Wrap them in unfulfilled maintenance requests and place them under the broiling afternoon sunlight of your west-facing windows. Once they burst into flames, roast marshmallows until golden and gooey. Top with some partially thawed ice cream from your malfunctioning freezer with the mallows and serve immediately.
