In a heartfelt tribute to the workforce that made his empire possible, today Amazon founder Jeff Bezos raised a vintage bottle of Amazon employee urine that’s been aging in a warehouse since 2015 during his wedding toast in Venice.
“It really is the little people who make the big things possible—little people with little bladders,” Bezos said, holding up the bottle like a trophy. “As I always say, nothing wrong with having a little pee pee!”
Guests, politely but slightly nauseated, raised their identical bottles of warehouse worker urine that adorned the center of each table in lieu of a floral arrangement.
“This vintage is from our DuPont warehouse,” Bezos said right before he and Sanchez-Bezos locked arms and romantically sipped the acrid golden nectar from each other’s bottles. “Don’t forget to tie your empty bottles to the ‘Just Married’ sign on the back of our mega-gondola.”
At press time, Bezos confirmed the main reason he and Lauren chose to get married in Venice was the romantic thought of floating in canal water that is also mostly urine from the Italian working class who don’t have a better sewage system for some reason.
