Today Seattle City Council President Sara Nelson announced that outgoing Councilmember Cathy Moore will be replaced by newcomer Connorflict O’McInterest.
“With the unfortunate departure of our treasured lackey Cathy Moore, we needed to quickly find a replacement that represents the core values of this city council, and nobody fits that bill better than my old friend Connorflict O’McInterest,” said Nelson, introducing the newest Seattle City Council Member. “Over the years, I’ve gotten to know Connorflict, and he has the unique ability to cut through ethical red tape and get things I want done, no matter how profitable it may be for our councilmembers.”
Councilmember O’McInterest said he hopes to resurrect a bill Moore pulled back last week right before resigning that would have ended the need for councilmembers to recuse themselves on votes that involve a financial conflict of interest.
“As your new councilmember, I promise to listen and advocate for all tech leaders and landowners, and that starts with a well-rounded stock portfolio that reflects the diversity of our business community,” said O’McInterest. “You name a public service, and I got shares in a privatized alternative that I stand to profit off of. Now I could recuse myself, but then I wouldn’t be able to vote on anything at all—and would that be fair to my wealthy constituents that bought this seat and put me in it?”
Other city councilmembers swiftly approved O’McInterest’s appointment after Council President Nelson had reportedly threatened to appoint someone even more annoying than Rob Saka.
