Anti-woke commentator Jordan Peterson reportedly burst into tears and cancelled his show at Climate Pledge Arena today after being confronted with a female-dominated workplace.
“I was already apprehensive about being accosted by Antifa in the godless hellscape you heathens call ‘Seattle’ and this arena at least pretending to care about the supposed existence of climate change—so, imagine my abject terror when confronted by this satanic cathedral constructed to worship the sin of women in the workplace winning all these conference titles and championships while the male team that plays here not only has none, but won’t even make it to the playoffs this year,” sobbed Peterson, cowering before a banner featuring the Seattle Storm starting five. “This is the sick, twisted future the so-called ‘tolerant’ left wants for you: to run all of the men out of town to Oklahoma City and replace them with DEI basketball hires.”
Peterson’s loyal band of incels were reportedly crushed that their hero was unfairly driven out of town.
“All Mr. Peterson is trying to do is take a selfless stand against the woke mind virus, and instead he gets ambushed by the existence of accomplished women athletes who could squash him like a bug at any moment,” said self-described alpha male Ron Harden on a video shot from his pick-up truck. “Personally, I find it disgusting that these women athletes get so much attention when there are much more deserving men’s sports out there, like Power Slap.”
Peterson was later seen pissing his pants on a flight out of Sea-Tac as part of a daring stand against the airplane’s gender-neutral bathrooms.
