Sources are confirming there’s only one person who knows if the Capitol Hill Block Party lineup that dropped today is any good and, unfortunately for our readers, we didn’t feel cool enough to ask her.
“Oh, just ask Ava, she’ll know,” said Ava’s older sister Megan, who also didn’t feel cool enough to ask her. “We’d all like to know if Thundercat is a step up or step down from Chappell Roan last year and what it means that Anderson .Paak is performing as DJ Pee .Wee but there’s only one way to find out: Summoning the astronomical amount of courage and self-worth it takes for anyone over the age of 22 to ask someone as cool and trendy as Ava.”
To find out more about this year’s CHBP lineup, we went to Linda’s where someone said she was getting drinks in belted cutoffs and a leather jacket but we chickened out of asking her because we thought she might make fun of us if we accidentally said Dua Lipa instead of Dua Saleh or something.
“Word has it she can smell someone faking being familiar with 100 gecs from as much as a mile away,” said one Linda’s customer also averting their eyes from her gaze. “It’s also rumored that we in fact are not worthy.”
At press time, Capitol Hill Block Party organizers were reportedly also undergoing a torturous wait to find out whether Ava thinks their lineup is cool.
