A local Tesla owner ran into trouble today after realizing that he had officially run out of room for bumper stickers explaining his Tesla ownership.
“I thought I had room for my new ‘bought my Tesla before I knew Elon was a Nazi’ bumper sticker next to my ‘bought my Tesla before Elon was shadow President’ bumper sticker, but looks like I’m completely maxed out on sticker space,” said local Tesla owner Graham Bowers. “Maybe if I scrape off the ‘this car seemed like a progressive environmental decision 10 years ago’ window decal I can make room for my new ‘at least it’s not a Cybertruck?’ sticker. Wait, he just announced what on Twitter? Aw man, maybe if I round out the edges with enough stickers it’ll start to look like a Prius.”
Despite Bowers’ many stickers expressing buyer’s remorse, some of his neighbors weren’t buying it.
“Oh no, you bought that overpriced death trap from Apartheid Clyde knowing full well how much of a douchebag he was, you don’t get to pretend like it never happened just because you didn’t know he was releasing the Tesla Model SS,” said neighbor Tim Jarvis. “We all saw you peacocking around the neighborhood when you bought it, and now you’re stuck with the shame until you sell it or that piece of shit drives itself into a tree and explodes.”
Needling reporters later confirmed the first Neuralink recipient was walking around with a sticker on his forehead that reads “Got my brain scrambled by Elon before he was DOGE dictator.”
