Popular West Seattle diner and tchotchke paradise Luna Park Cafe had their malt mixer impounded today as they are currently under investigation for running an illegal Fonzi scheme.
“Luna Park came under our radar during a routine pastry stop when the greaser who brought our cinnamon rolls started the 1958 Seeburg jukebox by punching it,” says SPD Officer Ed Kirk. “Under the watchful gaze of Miss White Center, officers consumed approximately $15,000 worth of piles, hobos, scrambles, and omelets during their six-month sting operation. It took time to build a case around their routine use of the code word ‘ayyyy.'”
But what is a Fonzi scheme exactly?
“A Fonzi scheme is a form of coolness fraud, which is when the original owners of memorabilia (Latin for ‘junk’) dupe future generations into believing it’s cool with a form of deception known as ‘nostalgia,'” said legal scholar Jan Dunwitty. “The defrauded perpetuate the scheme by bringing additional victims into the fold under the false pretense that it’s cool to see old tin lunch boxes and coin-operated Batman rides.”
If convicted, Luna Park may be forced to convert to an overpriced farm-to-table brunch destination as punishment.
