History was made tonight when Washington state elected the nation’s first-ever Fergalicious governor, Bob Ferguson.
“Our campaign and my upper back humps took our lovely little lumps, but tonight we can say we’ve finally broken through the low-rise jeans ceiling–it’s delicious, not fictitious, I blow kisses,” said Ferguson in a lace-up bodysuit at his victory speech in front of the Olympia State Capitol building. “Representation matters, so I didn’t just do this for me—I did this for all the little Fergalicious Bobs out there. To the grown Bob Fergusons who tried to run for governor at the same time as me though this summer? Just a reminder: My body stay vicious, I be up in the gym just working on my fitness, Inslee’s my witness.”
Ferguson thanked people for all their support to help him stump and stump his stump speech.
“Oh spending all your money on me, and your time on me,” serenaded Ferguson to Microsoft President Brad Smith. “We flyin’ the first class, up in the sky, poppin’ champagne with Carmen Best and not charging her for violating public records laws, how glamorous, glamorous!”
Members of the state Democratic Party are celebrating this historic achievement by going loco.
“I’mma get get get get get drunk!” shouted Dalton Albright from atop his table at an election night watch party in Capitol Hill. “When I saw B-Ferg won, it made me scream, made me scream. Obviously he’ll never actually be governor because Jay Inslee is about to use his covid-era executive powers to become King of all the land any day now, but I’m sure Ferguson will at least be a Dutchess.”
Late on election night, Republican challenger Dave Reichert reportedly called his opponent to concede the race, admitting that while he’s so 2024, Bob Ferguson is 3000 and more.
