Ahead of the Lynnwood Station grand opening on Friday, Light Rail Operator Tim Anderson is reportedly excited to finally find out what’s actually in the northern suburb.
“I’ve heard many whispers about this mysterious land of ‘Lynnwood’, and with my inaugural light rail ride I’m finally going to discover the secrets they’ve been hiding from us in the far-flung lands of ‘Snohomish County’,” said Anderson, preparing a map for his maiden voyage. “Who knows what could be waiting for me—strip mall teriyaki next to a local sports bar called ‘The Endzone’? Gas stations cheaper than $5? Rumor has it that they even have a Walmart—how exotic! I just hope this isn’t another Angle Lake situation and I get over there only to find out Lynnwood doesn’t actually exist.”
City officials were already making precautions so that the excitement over the new light rail station didn’t flood Lynnwood with excited tourists.
“Now we understand that everyone is champing at the bit to get to Lynnwood on opening weekend, but we’re going to have to institute a ticket lottery to make sure that we don’t overwhelm the trains,” said SDOT spokesperson Greg Ward. “We’ll have extra security stationed on board to make sure no one cuts in line and tries to get to Lynnwood ahead of their allotted time slot. Now if this train were going somewhere dull, like Ballard, we probably wouldn’t have to take these precautions, but you know I gotta be on the first train to Hollynwood, baby!”
At press time, the FTC had reportedly broken up an underground counterfeiting operation producing thousands of illicit light rail tickets to Lynnwood.
