Amid louder calls for the University of Washington to completely divest from them, Boeing expressed relief that UW protesters at the Board of Regents meeting today were only targeting the company for their complicity in Israel’s ongoing genocide in Gaza.
“When they started calling for the university to cut ties with us, we thought they were going after us for all the whistleblowers who have mysteriously disappeared,” said Boeing spokesperson Jessica Kowal, mai tai in hand, relaxing for the first time in months. “But if it’s just the Israel defense contracts, we can totally ride this wave. Unlike all our other recent actions, no one in power is actually going to get upset about that.”
UW student Stevie Smart clarified that protesters actually were pretty pissed about all of it but see stopping Boeing from killing people in Palestine as a first step to getting them to stop killing people worldwide, including the United States, with shoddily built planes.
“I’m only 21, but I’m pretty sure if a sociopathic company like Boeing gets larger profit margins from billion-dollar military contracts to build planes and weapons that kill people than from building reliable commercial planes that keep people alive, it’s gonna be hard to impossible for the latter to ever be the higher priority,” said Stevie. “That’s why companies like Lockheed Martin and Northrup Grumman have no interest in building or competing in the commercial aircraft industry and haven’t for decades now, right? And why Boeing is their biggest wannabe?”
At press time, Boeing, Israel and the UW Board of Regents released a joint statement telling Stevie that until he goes hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt getting PhDs in political science, theology and engineering, he doesn’t really know anything and nothing he’s saying really makes any sense.
