Following a jaunt around Green Lake, local cat Meowntgomery Sinclair confirmed that they were just as weirded out about being seen on a leash as you were.
“I feel weird about this too, but if I don’t wear the leash then the only time I get to leave the human’s apartment is when I’m stuffed into a crate and taken to that vile veterinarian’s torture chambers,” said Meowntgomery, trying to ignore the humans’ gawking during his walk. “This is humiliating, I’m an apex predator! I should be stalking the grasslands while my prey trembles before me, but here I am stripped of my dignity on a leash like a common terrier. Human, I wish to return to my quarters now—the ducks have noticed my leash and are laughing at me.”
As Meowntgomery tried to hide his shame from the crowd, onlookers were similarly weirded out by the harnessed feline being walked around the park.
“We put dogs on leashes so I guess it makes sense that cats can wear them too, but it just looks weird, you know? Like a baby wearing a fedora, or a Nissan Leaf with truck nuts,” said Green Lake jogger Martin Clancey, trying not to stare at the strange sight. “It just feels hypocritical to make such a civilized creature wear a leash when we mostly let those boorish human toddlers run around free, leaving a trail of destruction and snot in their wake.”
At press time, Meowntgomery was last seen fashioning his leash into a snare trap to capture the unsuspecting human as they returned from work.
