Friends and family of once local Seattle man Jason Smith are reporting that he has been tragically lured all the way out to Spokane by far more progressive housing policies and they’re worried if they’ll ever see him again.
“Lately he’d been going down a rabbit hole of websites saying Spokane is actually a million miles ahead of Seattle right now in creating more affordable, dense, multi-family housing because there’s so much broad support for it—like it’s not even a controversial debate over there,” said the man’s mother, Wallingford resident Nancy Smith, who wanted her 33-year-old son to be able to afford living in Seattle but still voted for Sara Nelson because she is politically leans toward being a short-sighted dipshit. “We thought he’d be staying here after we offered to set him up with some affordable housing we bought at REI the other day, but when we knocked on his nylon flap the next day he was gone.”
Nancy said she’d been worried sick wondering how he’s getting by without $9 cartons of eggs and $16 sandwiches until he somehow found a signal out there to let her know he’s okay.
“I’m just worried about what’s going to happen to him in that liberal wasteland out there that isn’t sticking its head in the sand about how to make sure people who want to live there aren’t priced out,” Nancy said. “We’ve got geniuses like Tanya Woo shutting down and block already-funded homeless shelters and Cathy Moore refusing to make it easier for non-profits like Habitat for Humanity to help build affordable housing for vulnerable communities. I’m gonna send him a video of Mayor Bruce Harrell saying OneSeattle one more time and see if it gets him to come back. I’m sure one day if he does and works really hard he’ll be able to barely get by renting a home from Blackstone.”
At press time, Jason’s family became increasingly worried for his safety after he had reportedly been successfully conned into spending less than 50% of his income on rent for the first time in his life as well as actually kind of enjoying Downtown Spokane’s Riverfront.
