Eldest daughters nationwide awoke today expecting to smell the sweet scent of fresh cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs of a full Mother’s Day Brunch on National Siblings Day, only to once again be met with the bitter disappointment of making their own coffee and breakfast.
“I was changing diapers at four years old, and I don’t even see a gifted spatula over here so I can flip my own flapjacks,” said Marie, eldest daughter of five kids, while responding to a meme about how “bossy” she is in the family group chat. “Do you really think I wanted to bring my elementary-aged siblings to every single high school party I got invited to on a night I was supposed to be babysitting them at home? The least they could do is gift me back my half handle of vodka.”
Marie reportedly has not even been served a simple breakfast in bed even once.
“You know, I don’t expect much from the little teenage ones because they can’t do much more than send a meme at this stage in their development,” Marie said with a sigh. “But my parents? Who refused to be adults and demanded to be emotionally caretaken more than my own siblings, which basically made them my children too? They definitely could have at least Doordashed some Patty’s Eggnest.”
Marie says if her siblings forget her Mother’s Day brunch again next year, she’s fully prepared to release a digital folder labeled “blackmail” containing hours of cringey home videos and photos from their unfortunate emo phases.
