After the FAA posted a scathing report online today about Boeing’s corporate culture and its disastrous effect on the safety of its planes, the lambasted local plane manufacturer announced that it would be taking a little break from social media to “protect its peace.”
“Boeing is all about taking its self-care seriously these days, and that means drawing some self-honoring boundaries between itself and anyone trying to gaslight us into thinking we’ve ever done anything wrong,” said Boeing spokesperson Jessica Kowal outside a conference room where the company’s entire executive team had just been ousted by the board. “We all know that the social media landscape can be damaging to a person’s mental health, and a company isn’t much different. Being held to these unrealistic standards of perfection when it comes to keeping everyone who flies in our planes both safe and alive has taken a huge toll on us, and we just need a little break from it all.”
Kowal also highlighted the importance of respecting someone’s decision to protect their peace through a social media pause.
“There have been a lot of attempts to ask questions about why we’re going offline, and I think that’s a tad invasive,” Kowal said as the FAA shut down an engineering division of over 5,000 workers due to concerns over adherence to safety measures. “It’s important that we have space to work on our own issues on our own timeline, not yours. And let me be clear—we don’t have any issues. But if we did, you know, like, let us be on our own journey.”
At press time, Kowal was seen bravely and serenely turning off Boeing’s Instagram DMs outside CEO Dave Calhoun’s Congressional hearing and creating a finsta just in case they ever need to still check in on the Airbus account’s stories.
