The aroma of Tacoma re-emerged today with brutal force after an enormous pile of bullshit was dropped in a Pierce County courtroom where three Tacoma Police officers were found not guilty despite killing Manuel Ellis on video in 2020.
“You can actually smell the stench from this bullshit verdict 30 miles north in Seattle, and I’m hearing this putrid stain on justice is so fragrant it’s being picked up all the way over on the East Coast, too,” said activist Clint Murray, wearing an oversized clothespin on their nose while protesting the verdict. “You’d think that the cartoonish stink lines radiating from Officers Collins, Burbank, and Rankine would give everyone a hint that their story was complete horseshit, but I guess the justice system in America is blind and can’t smell shit.”
Adding to the rancid stink of injustice radiating from Tacoma was the argument that Ellis died of drug use and heart complications, instead of the lack of oxygen due to physical restraint from the three officers that was recorded on a Pierce County Medical Examiner’s official report.
“I don’t smell anything, do you? The evidence clearly showed that Tacoma PD smells fresh as a daisy,” said Tacoma PD spokesperson Greg Glumbert, dry heaving as he lit thirty Yankee candles and emptied ten bottles of Febreze on the floor. “We even placed those officers on paid administrative leave until the source of the funk was discovered, and it totally hasn’t gotten worse after today’s verdict. Oh, all those little pine tree air fresheners hanging all over the station? Those aren’t stink related, they’re uh, Christmas decorations.”
At press time, the only thing granting a small reprieve from the bullshit smell emanating from Tacoma today was the memorial Manny’s Garden founded by Manuel’s mother, Marcia, clearing the air.
