Following a dramatic incident in which a door flew off a Boeing 737 MAX during flight, Alaska Airlines reassured wary passengers today that they will take all necessary precautions to only seat people who take their shoes off during flight near the dangerous plug doors.
“We’re aware of the safety concerns about our Boeing MAX planes, and we want to reassure our passengers that we’re doing everything in our power to ensure that if the worst should happen again, only disgusting people who take their shoes off during flights will be impacted,” said Alaska Airlines spokesperson Glenn Stewart. “With any luck, the horrible smell should quickly dissipate as the faulty doors fly off and all the air is sucked out of the cabin along with any nauseating passengers and their stinky shoes.”
Although many remained skeptical after repeated accidents with the 737 MAX, the announcement was welcome news to nervous Alaskan Air passengers with upcoming travel plans.
“I was ready to cancel my vacation and rebook with another airline, but I do feel a little bit safer knowing that the airline is taking the necessary precautions to protect me from nasty foot fungus while in the air,” said Keith Talbot, packing a parachute in his carry-on bag. “I still don’t think I’ll be flying on another MAX plane in the future unless they do a better job about checking these planes for serious hazards, like passengers that drape their hair over the headrest into the seat behind them.”
The FAA later stepped in to announce that anyone found clipping their nails during flights would be required to be boarded in a kennel under the plane and have their seat given to the dog.
