After years of complaints about parents letting their babies roam around off-leash in Capitol Hill’s Cal Anderson Park, today the City of Seattle announced plans to open a new off-leash baby area in the neighborhood.

“This is such good news—I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stepped in baby poop or been aggressively licked by some stranger’s infant crawling up to me on all fours,” said Capitol Hill resident Sally McDowell. “They’re always like, ’Oh, but my baby’s super friendly’—well I’m not, Katie!”  

The Seattle Parks Department will install fencing, diaper dispensers, and easy-to-clean astroturf, with plenty of space for parents to let their babies roam around without a leash.

“I always keep my baby on a leash when in public, but I know he is happiest when he can crawl around freely,” said Jack Wilson, father of a 9-month-old hairless American boy. “He’s going to burn off so much energy, and his potty breaks will finally be easy—so much better than waiting for his diaper to overflow and having to clean the rug again.”

Asked if there would be a new public off-leash areas for dogs in Capitol Hill any time soon since they don’t really have one and there’s twice as many dogs as babies in the city, the Seattle Parks Department quickly responded “not a chance.”

Previous articleMt. Rainier Suffers Seasonal Affective Disorder, Will Winter in Tucson
Next articleLook of Disappointment in Father’s Eyes is Gift Enough, Says Bellevue High Goth