Today it was bravely declared that there is no justification for terrorism—no history or circumstances past, present, or future—by a man justifying the far more practical and kind act of complete genocide.
“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: There is no justification for terrorism. Genocide, on the other hand—now that’s more my speed, jack,” said the white man proudly standing on American soil with a smile. “If you think about it, terrorism is just half-assed genocide—nothing to respect about it. If you’re gonna do it, go all the way. That’s why I fully support our friends in Israel carrying out the far more compassionate act of carpet-bombing the most densely populated land on Earth to finally finish off what’s left of those last 2.2 million Palestinian civilians in Gaza—half of which are children. Oops, sorry! I meant animals.”
Asked if there was any justification for non-violent protest, the man confirmed that actually there isn’t any justification for that either.
“Yeah, if people peacefully show up at the border of an open-air prison asking for basic human rights, there is no justification for that either—can you say annoying AF?” said the man, looking at his wristwatch waiting for Israel to take the billions of dollars sent to them to get this shit over with already. “Teaching them a lesson by killing more than 200 people and injuring more than 9,000? Yes, that’s okay. Even though the lesson doesn’t seem to have worked in anyone’s favor, which is why we must all come together to support the more fair and effective Final Solution of indiscriminately exterminating every last Gazan.”
At press time, the man and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu released a joint statement clarifying that the #NeverAgain hashtag was only meant to apply to Jewish people, no one else.
