The sky over Lake Washington will be closed overnight as workers rush to sew it back together after the Blue Angels accidentally tore it in two during their first Seafair Airshow today.
“If you heard what you thought kind of sounded like jets fileting the stratosphere open at 700 mph this afternoon, unfortunately you were exactly right,” said WSDOT spokesman Ned Tandy. “Fortunately, we’ve got our best aerial surgeons on the case stitching the sky back up as soon as possible. It might need a little cloud concealer so it doesn’t worry anyone during tomorrow’s show, but at least it won’t be ripping open any further into sky or, God forbid, the space time continuum.”
Although thankful someone is quickly stitching up the sky so that all of human existence isn’t sucked into outer space if the hole gets too big, Seattle resident Rob Allen said he’s skeptical about whether the airshows should continue over Seattle at all.
“At the minimum, I think there should also be enough people also sewing up all the ears split in half by the Blue Angels—I’m looking like Van Gogh over here,” said Allen, half his ears in hand. “I don’t know if I should take these to the ER to have them sewn back on at my own expense or send them in a letter to the Department of Defense asking for no more Blue Angels over Seattle.”
According to local historians, this is only the second time the Blue Angels have torn the sky open since they first did it in 1961 to allow a pair of alien tourists from another dimension to park their spaceship at the top of the Space Needle.
