As a result of Seattle’s recently passed ordinance to protect most trees within city limits, unsheltered residents living in Seattle have taken to disguising themselves as red cedar, oak, white pine, cherry, and other various trees in an attempt to get protection from the City of Seattle.
At a North Seattle encampment, The Needling spoke with one woman holding a large red maple branch in each hand who asked to be identified as Myrtle.
“According to this new law, a tree can’t get removed without a health assessment being done. I had hip surgery five days back and can’t move no matter how much SPD threatens to sweep me and everything I own out of here,” said Myrtle, who abruptly fell silent and put branches over her face as a uniformed Seattle Parks Department employee walked slowly by. After he passed, she then whispered, “But they can’t sweep a tree – especially not one already subletting its canopy to a family of squirrels. Nobody messes with Ms. Nibbles.”
Several unsheltered people said they got the idea to disguise themselves as trees from the primary tree ordinance bill sponsor Councilmember Dan Strauss, who specifically told them to “make like a tree and get out of here.”
“While it would be nice if city councilmembers cared about the lives of people who live out on the street as much as they care about trees, we appreciate this small olive branch of advice to at least seem like something this city wants to keep alive,” said one man who said his name was Doug Fir. “Everyone struggling with addiction in this city is going to try it too despite how tempting it is to take up City Attorney Ann Davison’s cushy offer of a $70,000 year-long stay in jail.”
At press time, Councilmember Strauss wanted to assure all the right-wing District 6 voters who never did and never will vote for him ever that when he said “make like a tree,” he meant like a Golden Gardens Christmas tree bonfire.
