In a touching and nostalgic opening to tonight’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game at Seattle’s T-Mobile Park, none other than legendary former Mariners Manager Lou Piniella did the honors of throwing out the event’s ceremonial first base.
“We don’t know what triggered it—perhaps not being asked to throw out the ceremonial first pitch or something—but suddenly Sweet Lou was right on cue furiously kicking dirt like a raging bull before picking up and hurling the first base plate straight into the outfield just like old times,” said longtime Mariners fan Daniel Huston while the entire park was still bellowing “Louuu.” “Man’s still got it—kept picking it up and hurling it until one lucky fan in the stands caught it like a 30-pound frisbee. And the way he got up an ump’s face after slamming his hat down afterward—haven’t seen such heated face-to-face action out here on the T-Mobile field since almost everyone on the team nearly made out with Cal Raleigh last year.”
Even umpires said Lou’s ceremonial first base throw was an honor to witness and be accosted by.
“Lou himself sputtering saliva and kicking dirt in my face? I never thought I’d get to see the day,” said game umpire Rich Little. “I can’t imagine a cooler baseball legend to tell to go to hell with every vein bursting out of my neck.”
As an extra treat to the hometown audience, Piniella also did the honors of also being the All-Star game’s ceremonial first player ejection, just slightly beating to Ronald Acuña to the punch for what he muttered after being shamelessly robbed by Adolis Garcia.
