One local man forever enshrined his hardcore Seattle pride in ink today after heading to a nearby tattoo shop and getting a “Death Before Umbrella” tattoo.
“You’ll see me in Lake View Cemetery before you ever catch me using the coward’s canopy,” said Seattle native Mark Thompson, as he puffed a cigarette through the excruciating pain of going under the needle. “There aren’t many causes I’m willing to die for, but this is one of them. The other ones are never adding an ‘s’ to Nordstrom or Pike Place. Everyone will know about that when I gets tats for that later this summer, especially those puny, Mary Poppin-umbrella transplants.”
Though historians can’t quite agree when residents of one of the nation’s rainiest cities became so staunchly against umbrellas, locals agree that they’ll use just about anything to avoid using one.
“One time I got caught in a rainstorm and I just held my dog over my head while I ran to my car,” said Seattle local Alex Fletcher. “Don’t worry, he was fine—he was wearing a Patagonia rain jacket and learned a valuable lesson about Seattle culture that day.”
At press time, Thompson was reportedly considering also getting SNOW SLAM knuckle tattoos.
