Friends of Renton resident Rachel Hensley are concerned tonight after she reported during happy hour that living in her current city really isn’t that bad.
“You guys look at me like I’m flying in from Spokane when I commute to Seattle every day,” said Hensley. “It’s really not that far away and it’s really not that bad.”
As coworker Megan Riley signaled to the bartender that Hensley wouldn’t need any more drinks, she continued.
“Megan, stop acting like your commute from Ballard to Pioneer Square isn’t 45 minutes,” Hensley continued. “It’d be nice if traffic was a little better, but I have cheaper rent for more amenities and a similar commute, so I’m good.”
Still stressed about the oppressive influence of suburbs on the human psyche, Riley asked Hensley if Renton had any safe spaces for arts and culture.
“Um, hello? Excuse me? Renton Civic Theater’s doing a production of RENT this June–I’m good,” Hensley said. “But the best drama plus tea is always at the Seahawks’ practice facility where you can sometimes still spot a haunted Russell Wilson pacing back and forth.”
At press time, Riley was almost ready to release Hensley from questioning until she began expounding on the virtues of weekly shopping trips to Walmart. Riley reportedly suspects her mental wellness interrogation of Hensley may need to go well into the night.
