Following a missed opportunity to finally exercise his Second Amendment rights during a heated traffic dispute today, one man lamented the fact that he can never think of the perfect gun to win arguments with until later in the shower.
“I get so flustered and can never think of the right gun to brandish when someone cuts me off in traffic until later that evening when I’m showering,“ said Bill Winston, staring at his shower gun rack. “I mean duh, obviously now I realize the AR-15 was the perfect response to someone adding 30 seconds to my commute. Instead, I froze up and just honked my horn before going on with the rest of my day like an idiot. Do you know how humiliating it is to look your kids in the eyes at the dinner table knowing that you weren’t quick enough to think of the perfect gun to win the argument with?”
Whether it’s someone turning around in their driveway or a child ringing their doorbell while searching for a lost kitten, gun owners know they have to be quick if they want to respond to any and all outside stimulus with deadly force.
“One time the guy at Buffalo Wild Wings got my order completely wrong and I was just stuck there without the right gun, defenseless against this personal attack on my pride,” said gun owner Kyle Briscoe. “Well, I vowed to never let that happen again, and I went that day to Cabela’s and got a 6-gun holster. Now I’m prepared to steamroll over even the smallest confrontations. I can promise once that waiter takes one look at my ‘Argument Resolver-15’ he won’t dare to ask me if I want a Bud Light ever again.”
Meanwhile, one Cabela’s store manager revealed that their throwback ‘What Gun Would Jesus Choose?’ bracelets are flying off the shelves.
