A local office Cinco de Mayo potluck took a tragic turn today when coworkers discovered that Teresa from Sales had once again destroyed an entire bowl of guacamole with the addition of raisins.
“So many good, expensive avocados purchased, prepared into a guacamole only to meet this grisly fate?” said Carla Jonson, who had to tearfully extricate raisins from her mouth before realizing what she had consumed. “It’s one thing to be so white you commemorate this Mexican battle-themed holiday with five different flavors of mayo dips and whatever the hell Norwegian tacos are, but raisins swirled with onion and garlic powder into creamed avocado? I’ve seen enough: I need to go home and try to forget this ever happened—again!”
After half the office left early either crying or vomiting, Teresa stood by her family recipe dish.
“Look, a Mexican holiday means spicing things up, and in my culture raisins are the only way we know how to spice things up, okay?” said Teresa, telling reporters she’s still surprised at the amount of judgement being passed on her potluck contribution. “I mean, sometimes even this is too spicy for me and people who have a similar palate—that’s why just in case I need to cool down my tongue I brought some of my grandmammy’s green lettuce Jell-o right there. You want some? Oh, I can’t tell what you’re saying—you want the trash can? Yeah, sure, it’s behind you on the left.”
At press time, at least one coworker who overheard the comment about Norwegian tacos and Googled it to see if those are a real thing has already called out sick for the rest of next week.
