After witnessing a massive lizard monster tear tracks out of the ground and destroy stations with a fiery vengeance today, Sound Transit promptly sent out a text alert classifying the incident as a “minor service delay.”
“Typically, when a disruption happens in the Sound Transit system, we first avoid sending out any notifications at all, so as not to alarm anyone or admit that there may be an issue,” said text alert manager Jason Gorey. “But in this case, I caved and sent a ‘minor service delay’ update, which calms users by sending them a link to a helpfully relevant and informative page that lists all elevator and escalator outages.”
Passengers stopped in the International District heard pre-recorded messages promising that the train would be moving shortly and reminding them not to smoke or vape, all while Godzilla began tearing the station’s roof off and reaching toward the train.
“Oh sure, NOW you send the notification!” fumed transit rider Tracey Miller as she crawled out of a train that Godzilla had picked up at Stadium and flung into T-Mobile Park. “These alerts are a joke. Godzilla must have picked up my train car 30 minutes ago and not a peep! I was checking for updates the whole time.”
A follow-up alert explained that shuttle buses would replace trains until further notice, which would restore service along affected areas and be easier for Godzilla’s massive claw hands to grasp.
