In yet another radically right-wing, unconstitutional move, today Idaho state lawmakers passed a bill demanding all of the Easter Bunny’s ovulation tracker data.
“As a self-proclaimed expert on how reproductive systems and reproductive healthcare work, I need the Easter Bunny’s ovulation tracking data immediately so we know how many eggs are on their way, as well as when and where eggs will be laid this Sunday,” said Idaho Gov. Brad Little. “I’m not too good at finding things like eggs or any information on whatever an ectopic pregnancy is all on my own, so snap, snap, on providing that app info asap, Bugs!”
A representative for Easter Bunny said the rabbit will be doing nothing of the sort.
“Easter Bunny deleted all of their holiday period and ovulation tracker data on their phone months ago—what states they travel in and when is none of Idaho’s business,” said Easter Bunny spokesperson Nivens McTwisp. “And neither is how many eggs they have and where—that’s personal information the Easter Bunny has every right to keep to themself. If Idaho doesn’t pull back these laws immediately, Bunny has half a mind to skip visiting the state altogether from now on. Bunny thought of maybe laying some rotten eggs instead, but—judging from the sights coming from inside the Idaho State Capitol building—the state has more than enough of those.”
At press time, Idaho lawmakers said they were sure if the Easter Bunny ends up skipping their entire state this weekend because of their new slate of laws invading reproductive care privacy that they’ll be able to find another kind of cuddly, pro-surveillance state mammal to lay eggs for their families instead.
