After announcing that she will not be seeking re-election to the Seattle City Council Thursday, Kshama Sawant also went on record to say that while very touched by a commemorative Funko Pop figure made in her image, she also felt compelled to share how horrified she was by the mass-produced existence of this cheap capitalist device.
“Thanks, I guess?” the councilwoman said, mulling the cheap plastic figurine over in her hands. “While this perfectly exemplifies the over-commodification that I loathe in our grotesque capitalist system, I must say … it is pretty adorable.”
Sawant, a staunch member of the Socialist Alternative, was deemed an odd choice for an overproduced plastic figurine, but local toy creator Funko Pop spoke on the insatiable need to immortalize all living beings, real or imagined, in hunks of cheap plastic.
“We got Rent Control Kshama, we got $15 Minimum Wage Kshama, Hair Collected into a Messy Bun While Running to the Farmers’ Market Kshama,” said Funko Pop spokesman Hank Reilly. “You got a hyper-specific variant of a noun, we got a cheap hunk of plastic to sell you. Creepy worm-head guy in Return of the Jedi? Done. Child Casey Affleck during his brief cameo in Chasing Amy? Already sold out. The Mariners 3rd Base Coach? We thought you’d never ask.”
At press time, Sawant was spotted in her office playing ‘Unions and Management’ with her growing shelf of adorably useless trinkets.
