As the festive lights went up and Christmas drew near, the residents of Whoodinville were spreading their cheer. But in one dim house grumbling can be heard very clear, because the Grinch is fitting right in on the Nextdoor App this year.
“It’s bad enough that I’m blinded by these terrible Christmas lights, but now there’s a 10-foot Santa Claus wishing me ‘Merry Christmas’ all night!” said Nextdoor user TheGrinchMan, furiously typing with his slender green hands. “And these filthy unsupervised children and their incessant noise, can’t these parents do something to quiet their little girls and boys? Keep them inside if you can’t control your spawn, because one of their dogs left a lump of something that’s not coal on my lawn!”
But as the days until Christmas ticked down, something curious happened to the Grinch and his frown. All his whining on message boards was soon drowned out by unhinged demands by the Nextdoor hoards.
“Now hold on a minute—I only wanted quiet hours after ten, not to have their pets taken away never to be seen again!” said the Grinch in a hurry, typing his protests with a furry green flurry. “And I wished the kids would pick up their toys, but what kind of a man calls the cops on children for singing carols of joy? I just wanted to be left alone, not have homeless people swept out of their homes! I think I’ll sign off and drink eggnog ‘til I’m plastered, because you’re all acting like some real sick bastards!”
Though the Grinch’s heart was softened more than he’d like to admit, he still would like everyone to tone down the Mariah Carey a little bit.
