In a surprise announcement on social media this week, local landlord Stan Finck proudly and bashfully revealed that he has a rent increase coming to Greenwood in May 2023.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while and when I saw the most affluent people and companies jacking up prices on things they absolutely don’t have to, I thought now’s a good time as any!” said Finck, gently holding a belly expecting several more New York steak dinners next year. “I would have kept it a secret longer, but according to Seattle city law I had to tell everyone six months in advance #ThanksKshama. Overall, feeling #blessed. In accordance with city codes, this morning I also slipped some save the dates under your doors.”
Asked if he’s thinking about having any more rent increases in the near future, Finck said he’s taking one big life development at a time.
“Honestly, I thought about having more than one in a year, but apparently any combination of rent increases over 10% in a 12-month period qualifies my tenants for economic relocation assistance I would have to pay into and that just cuts a little too far into a yacht maintenance budget right now,” Finck said. “I hope my tenants are as excited as I am to see this rent increase not be spent on any actual site improvements to the property despite it being in dire need of a retrofit for the last 40 years. As the owner of a building that’s falling apart and only the most financially desperate people would live in at all, I’m proud to offer the closest thing that passes for affordable housing in Seattle.”
At press time, Finck announced he also did a thing to a toilet downstairs and will get right on fixing the plumbing in May 2023 as well.
