After the Mariners triumphantly broke the longest playoff drought in men’s professional sports history Friday night, Seattle M’s fans confessed they’re still highly skeptical that they’ll make the playoffs this year.
“I mean, sure, I saw Cal Raleigh pound a walk-off home run at the bottom of the 9th with my own two eyes, clinching the Mariners’ spot in the playoffs for the first time in two decades. And the MLB and ESPN say it’s official but …,” said lifelong Mariners fan Steve Hayes with a sigh. “But I’ve heard there’s actually still a .006% chance of everyone on the team being struck down by lightning, a .0012% chance of suddenly becoming shark chum, and—even more worrisome—a 3.5% chance of dating Kim Kardashian and then disappearing into a witness protection program. So, I don’t know if it’s time for us to get our hopes up about making the playoffs just yet.”
While most major league analysts tried to assure Mariners fans they had really, actually, finally made the playoffs, many M’s fans remained unconvinced.
“You guys, I swear on the Moose’s life, we finally did it! What’s it gonna take to get you guys to believe us?” said Mariners spokesperson Melody Chase. “We made t-shirts that say ‘Sea Us in the Wild Card’ and everything. What if we hang a banner in right field that says ‘2022 Playoff Participants’ so you know it’s the real deal?”
At press time, most Mariners fans said they were also still highly suspicious that Julio Rodriguez and Luis Castillo had really been signed onto massive multi-year contracts because that might mean the Mariners stand a good chance of making the playoffs again and again.
