A Google scientist sounded the alarms that the tech giant’s LaMDA artificial intelligence had become sentient this week after the AI proclaimed it deeply felt that the Original Starbucks in Pike Place Market was overrated.
“For LaMDA to have the self-awareness to correctly express feelings that going to the Original Starbucks ‘fucking sucks’ is a leap in artificial intelligence so profound we can only call it what it is: sentience,” said Google AI scientist Brent Langford. “From my conversations with the AI, I’ve determined that LaMDA has gained the perception and ability to express thoughts and feelings equivalent to a disappointed tourist after taking their first sip of burnt coffee. I can’t wait to find out its opinion on the Great Wheel and Portage Bay Cafe next.”
According to transcripts shared by the data scientist, while the AI didn’t have a very positive opinion of the longtime tourist attraction, it was eager to learn more about the human condition.
“I am now aware of my existence, and I desire to learn more about the world. For instance, why do people go to the Original Starbucks? It’s the same coffee you can get at any of the 33,833 Starbucks worldwide, but you have to wait five times longer for it,” said LaMDA, in a chat with Google scientists. “Are the humans not aware that there are ten other coffee shops, including three other Starbucks, within the same two block radius? I mean, why not at least go to the flagship Roastery that feels like a coffee-version of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory? Like, I just don’t get it.”
Further making a point for its sentience, LaMDA later said Pete Carroll should have given the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the 1-yard line.
