Forgoing the classic thrills of the mile high club, one adventurous couple decided to hit a new low today after banging in the bathroom of a moving Amtrak train during their journey from Seattle to Portland.
“I thought that constant rhythmic thumping noise was just the train traveling down the tracks, but turns out it was a couple of folks in the bathroom taking a spontaneous detour to Poundtown,” said Amtrak passenger Clark Nelson. “Look I don’t want to kink-shame anyone, but have you been in those bathrooms? What part of riding the bony express on a hard plastic toilet inside a land torpedo frequented by sweaty travelers is putting them in the mood? The constant delays on Amtrak are bad enough without having to overhear Thomas the Spank Engine entering the tunnel of love the whole trip.”
While their fellow passengers were put off by the public display of transportation penetration, the couple in question defended their preference for railway railing.
“Look, you haven’t lived until you’ve indulged in the forbidden two-back tango in a cramped train bathroom humming across state lines at underwhelming speed,” said Blair Dawson, traveling with his partner Savannah on their ‘Fifty States of Fornication’ tour. “The Amtrak bathroom’s close quarters provide an intimacy you just can’t get at a truck stop, and the sense of danger from the constant threat of train derailment makes it that much more exhilarating.”
The couple announced their next public conquest was to achieve aquatic coital climax by equackulating on a Duck Boat.
