In an effort to provide support to those desperately in need, today Queen Anne residents unveiled a newly constructed “Little Free Pantry” for all poor souls nearby making under $600,000 a year.
“We wanted to give back to our community and we couldn’t think of any better way to do it than helping the poor,” said Queen Anne resident Heather Beales as she passed a bowl of shark fin soup to a house-poor cardiologist. “It’s high time we remember that not everyone can afford a new Tesla at this very moment – some people have to settle for BMWs that don’t even come with a moon roof or heated seats.”
Beales confessed the creation of the little free pantry felt personal to her.
“One of my neighbors mentioned he only had a vintage 50-foot sailboat, not even a real yacht,” Beales said with a shudder. “We want neighbors like him to be able to come here for the essentials. Whether it’s a solid gold sarcophagus, a DIY falconry kit, or a battery-charged robot manservant named Gregory who also services you, we want the contents of the pantry to be full of practical things everyone has … right? I’m not out-of-touch—everyone has a platinum-monogrammed ivory backscratcher.”
At press time, several other neighborhoods had reportedly caught on including Ballard, which is now working on crafting Little Free Breweries for people without IPAs.
