After more than two years of anticipation, today the Seattle Department of Transportation announced that the West Seattle Bridge has finally entered its pupal stage and could hatch as soon as 2024.
“Great news! It appears the West Seattle Bridge has consumed all the Nissan Leafs it needed to form its enormous concrete encasement and has finally entered its pupal stage,” said SDOT Spokesperson Jeremy Ford. “Now we sit back and wait to see if it will develop into a beautiful chrysalis that will hatch into a picturesque structure like Deception Pass Bridge, or if it’ll be an ugly cocoon that craps out another ghastly monstrosity like the old Alaskan Way Viaduct. Isn’t infrastructure beautiful?”
While thousands of stranded West Seattleites wondered why the bridge repair required such a confusing, prolonged process, infrastructural biologists explained that the bridge’s mysterious journey was just part of its natural life cycle.
“While it may have been tempting to impose our human will by making vital repairs to the bridge years ago, it’s important that we respect the bridge’s natural timeline,” said infrastructural biologist Alex Horn. “For example, the viaduct is also almost fully transformed into a fledgling street-level freeway that will someday emerge and provide a habitat for thousands of cars for decades to come. And if the natural order of infrastructure demands a barren, inactivated concrete desert next to one of the city’s most scenic locales, then who are we to disagree?”
SDOT later announced that their next priority was to preserve the protected car habitat currently thriving within Pike Place Market.
