Desperate to distract from former KOMO journalist Jonathan Choe’s Proud Boys puff piece, KOMO News announced today it would be getting back to its basic bread-and-butter reporting with a new recurring special report titled “Psst, Hey You Wanna See a Dead Body?”
“We can confirm Jonathan Choe was present during an employer-involved dismissal incident today for … reasons, but nevermind all that. Let’s get back to what matters: Seattle is Dying! You wanna see this dead body we found?” said KOMO News reporter Eric Johnson, leaning in and gesturing towards a mangled body of a deer. “Just look at this gruesome roadside crime scene. Clearly this is the lifeless body of a beautiful young boutique owner in the prime of her life, callously murdered by a homeless drifter. You can tell because they were, uh, carrying these deer antlers that they were going to sell as decorations. And if the city council doesn’t get tough on crime soon, you could be next!”
Needling reporters followed up with KOMO News Director Phil Bruce for an official statement on their sudden shift in programming from promoting white nationalist Proud Boys back to graphic coverage of anything happening near the tent of a person experiencing homelessness.
“At KOMO News, we’re committed to broadcasting Sinclair-mandated propaganda and scaring the hell out of your grandma,” said Phil Bruce. “But we have to draw the line when rookies like Choe say the quiet part out loud. You can’t ask people to ‘stick around and mingle with the Proud Boys and learn more about their mission’ like an amateur—you gotta be more vague and end with a rhetorical question! Something like ‘This Right Wing Gathering Just Wanted to be Heard. Why is the Left Trying to Silence Them?’ Anyways, we wish Mr. Choe all the best on his future grifting endeavors. Maybe he’ll listen to Joe Rogan a bit more and finally get the hang of this.”
Following the special report, KOMO reporters announced they’d be launching a follow-up investigation to find the perfect stick to poke the deer with.
