Drowning in debt and undecided about embarking on the adventure that is raising a child, one broke local millennial has opted to freeze her eggs in a low-frills, high-fun Dippin’ Dots pack.
“I was on my way home from my second job, coasting downhill in neutral to save gas, when I stopped by the minimart for the one earthly pleasure I allow myself: Dippin’ Dots,” beamed 33-year-old Eliza Patton. “As I ignored my mom’s texts of pictures of my stupid sister’s baby and popped those frozen pearls in my mouth, the idea just struck me! Freezing your eggs is so expensive, and that’s good money I need for a down payment on a cabin made out of avocado toast. To me, it’s no accident that Dippin’ Dots is called ‘the ice cream of the future.’”
Surprisingly, Patton’s frozen scheme was received warmly by her reproductive endocrinologist.
“Like any person of science, I doubted the viability of a Dippin’ Dots sleeve as a vessel for oocyte cryopreservation,” droned Dr. Julia Henderson of Seattle Reproductive Medicine. “But then I remembered eating them once at a Mariners game back in ‘99, and they didn’t melt for a whole two innings! We went ahead with the procedure and were able to preserve some of Ms. Patton’s eggs inside a “Rainbow Ice” variety. To save her even a bit more scratch, I agreed to house the sample in our breakroom’s mini-freezer. Don’t worry! It’s clearly labeled.”
At press time, one of Dr. Henderson’s coworkers had already rifled through the mini-freezer for some Dippin Dots but fortunately only ate the “Banana Split.”
