In a live Project Seattle #HomelessIndustrialComplex special airing on KOMO today, reporter Jonathan Choe bravely revealed that—contrary to what anyone experienced this morning while getting flowers at Pike Place Market—Downtown Seattle is actually completely on fire and has been for some time.
“As a highly esteemed journalist, I have a duty to reveal the truth that no one else seems to want to confront – what no other journalist is courageous enough to report on and, most importantly, what Sinclair Broadcasting wants the Seattle area’s dimmest dimwits to know,” said Choe wincing at the flames licking his back. “And that is that the sudden, unexpected and inexplicable arrival of homeless people over the last two years has been burning down the whole of Downtown Seattle and all of its businesses into rubble. Visit this area at all you’ll be facing third-degree burns all over your body just like I am right now — AHHH!! AHHH!!!”
One source interviewed for Choe’s story while waiting in a long line for a wrap at Mamnoon Street on 6th said on Twitter that the KOMO reporter took some of their comments out of context in a previously taped part of the special, though.
“Choe just asked me what I was having for lunch. I said ‘chicken shawarma, falafel and a house mint lemonade,” said Mariam Aziz. “Somehow that got edited into ‘The dark lord of the homeless people has been chasing me down all day and now they’ve got me ahhhhh ahhh’ with a bunch of flames CGIed in. I think they took what I said a little out of context. And, personally, I think the way they singed my eyebrows off at the end of the clip was a bit much.”
At press time, a cluster of tents near the train tracks in Magnolia had reportedly blown the entire neighborhood off the face of the Earth.
