Today Bellevue detectives announced a break in last week’s unsolved hit-and-run case, which has now narrowed suspects down to the owners of only 800 possible Teslas.
“We knew it wasn’t a gray Tesla, so that immediately eliminated around 7,000 suspected Tesla owners,” said Detective Kevin Finnerty. “But that still left us with 14,000 potential blue, white, and other-colored Teslas. Learning the suspect was wearing an Arc’teryx vest only slightly narrowed the suspect pool to 13,999.”
Finnerty said they were starting to feel like they would never get the suspect pool to under 1,000 when they got a major tip.
“Learning that they work at either a startup or Amazon, pretend to enjoy hiking, and are probably a little too forthcoming in sharing their salary wasn’t helping us zero in on a smaller group of suspects at all,” Finnerty said. “Then came the biggest break in the case yet: A new witness said the suspected Tesla owner was somehow not playing the Joe Rogan podcast at the time of the accident. What are the chances, right?”
This week’s hit and run comes only a month after two empty self-driving Teslas reportedly slammed into each other in Bellevue before both vehicles kept asking each other “Do you know who my owner is?”
