Now on their fifth grueling day of interrogating Seattle National Weather Service meteorologist Stan Hodges in a dark basement, local reporters investigating whether we’re looking at a White Christmas next week say they’re still not getting any clear answers.
“I said maybe, maybe! Current weather modeling technology doesn’t allow me to confirm either way for at least another week minimum!” said a tired, tied-up and eye-bloodshot Hodges on his fifth day of being asked the same question by every news outlet at least 20 times a day. “It’s too soon to know – I’m telling the truth, I swear!”
“Wrong answer, buddy,” said Seattle Times reporter Christine Clarridge, slapping him across the face with a knit mitten. “You may be a tough nut to crack, but it’s nutcracking season, baby. You’re not going anywhere until you tell us and all of our readers whether or not it’s snowing on Christmas this year. Now let’s try this again: Will there or won’t there be at least some dusting of snow at some point next week so we can have one moment of running out into the street and feeling like we’re living in a Christmas movie?”
Again, Hodges said he could only suspect a slight possibility of a rain/snow mix in the wee hours of Thursday morning that probably won’t stick and really had no idea about next week just yet.
“That’s not good enough, Hodges!” Clarridge said with an exasperated puff from a cigarette nub. “Look, we’ve got your friend Doppler in other room getting questioned too, and all I know is you guys better be telling the same story because sooner or later we will find out the truth about whether we’ll be making Little House in the Big Woods Christmas-inspired snow candy next week.”
Saying it seemed Hodges wanted to do this the hard way, Clarridge said local media’s next move would likely be pulling Steve Pool out retirement.
