Ever on the cutting edge of local cuisine and lung-pollution, one new Capitol Hill BBQ restaurant is now satisfying cravings for both at the same time: Nick O’Tien’s Slow-Vaped Meats.
“BBQ has always been about innovation, but pit bosses today just think in terms like ‘spicier’ or ‘mouth-watery-er’ or ‘better,” says owner Deacon St. Croix, blowing a fatty-style cloud from a vape-pen skyward. “But you don’t know gastronomic heaven until you’ve had our Dragon Banana Berry Brisket, Hawaiian POG Chicken or Smells Like Tangerine Spirit Sirloin vaped right here in our alleyway by locally-sourced depressed teens.”
Many health nuts are also flocking to the city’s first purveyor of slow-vaped meats because studies show regularly smoked meats contain harmful carcinogens whereas vaped meat mostly contain synthetic chemicals no one’s fully studied and been able to prove will slowly kill you yet.
“I am literally addicted their Beyond Blue Raspberry Roast,” said Heather Laury. “Good thing this is completely healthy.”
While Nick O’Tien’s popularity continues to take off, so is its competition: By the end of the year, Uncle Ike’s is expected to open a cannabis-vape-smoked meats eatery as well featuring menu items like Pineapple Purps Pork Belly, Super Skunk Salmon and Candy Kush Carne Asada.
