A staple Seattle tourist trap looked more like Cape Canaveral today as one of its coverall-clad employees hurled a fish straight through the roof of Pike Place Market and all the way out of Earth’s gravitational pull.
“To mix the usual fish throw up a little, I thought I’d try shot-putting a sockeye to my buddy Tim behind the fish counter,” said Pike Place Fish Market fishmonger Henry Armstrong. “Three and a half turns later, guess I’m glad my aim was off because NASA’s telling us the slimy sucker’s already slapped Elon Musk’s SpaceX Starman dummy in the face.”
Pike Place Market officials say, although unexpected, they’re hoping that from now on tourists will be regularly treated to galactic fish launches in addition to fish throws.
“This year is the 50th Anniversary of the Market’s preservation and, with regular launches of not just sockeye, but also cod and king crab, it’s clear we’ll be here for at least another 50 years,” said Pike Place Market President Stan Hardwick. “And, yes, we’ve already turned down multiple offers from the Seahawks to sign Armstrong as Russell Wilson’s backup – sorry, he’s all ours.”
At press time, Seattle residents and tourists alike were overjoyed to hear Pike Place Fish Market had already entered the commercial space race by stealing several billionaire wannabe-astronaut clients away from Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic, including Rupert Murdoch, Mark Zuckerberg and Smaug.
