At the opening of the annual Washington State Fair this Labor Day Weekend, fairgoers say they were shocked and, in some cases, pleasantly surprised to discover that stuffed animals normally offered as prizes at the ring toss booth have been replaced with the livestock deworming medication Ivermectin.
“This treasure trove of Vitamin ‘I’ comes straight from the horse pavilion at Barn D, and if it’s good enough to keep the world-famous Budweiser Clydesdales pest-free, then I reckon it’s good enough for you and me,” shouted ring toss booth operator Dale Sheldon, urging onlookers to step up for a shot to win a coveted dose of the anti-parasitic livestock drug. “Just $5 for a handful of rings are all that stands between you and this miracle cure guaranteed to make you violently shit out any last remnant of COVID-19. When you get to the ICU you tell ‘em Uncle Dale sent ya, ya hear?”
While a slew of onlookers crowded around to try their luck at Uncle Dale’s Seabiscuit Sweepstakes, one man voiced outward frustration at the difficulty of acquiring the grand prize.
“I swear this goddamn game is rigged! I’ve been here for four hours and all I have to show for it is 10 vials of the Pfizer vaccine they’re just giving away as a consolation prize,” said Ronald Barnes, forking over another $20 for a pile of rings. “If that cheap vaccine worked, they wouldn’t just be giving it away for free, so I just offloaded them all to some kid that was walking by. I swear if I don’t win soon I’m gonna try my hand at scoring some hydroxychloroquine down the way at that ladder climb game.”
In another first for the annual fair in Puyallup, the staff at Freddie’s Fried Foods and Farmaceuticals is also deep frying all Ivermectin prizes for just a buck more than the price of their famously heart-stopping fried butter.
