That’s right, I said it: Maybe I, your mother, am “not vaccinated” yet because I’M not ready to see YOU.
My husband and I have actually been fully vaccinated since March, but there’s no way in hell I’d tell my kids that. My son refuses to talk about anything other than mixology, and my daughter spends all of her time posting pictures on Instagram of herself with cartoon bunny ears. I’m just not ready for that yet.
And I’m not alone.
“Our research shows that 98% of moms with adult children actually want to get vaccinated,” said Sam Kerrington, a researcher from the Northwest Center for Family Wellbeing. “They’re just not ready to reintroduce the sad cell-phone zombies they call children back into their lives.”
As time goes on, we’ve had to get more and more creative with our excuses for not getting vaccinated.
I keep saying I think the virus is a hoax, and the vaccine is just in its trial phase. I even told my daughter that my faith would protect me from the virus, and she actually bought it! She must think I’m a total psychopath, but at least it buys me a little more time to use her bedroom as a sex dungeon for me and her father.
Together, we estimate the viral video of our group of neighborhood moms participating in a fake anti-vax rally will keep our kids too horrified to come near for at least another few weeks.
