Quickly overshadowing Monday’s local reality TV news that Renton native Katie Thurston will be star of ABC’s next Bachelorette, the Discovery Channel announced today that the next season of Naked and Afraid will be filmed inside Seattle’s own Amazon Balls.
“We usually dump our naked, survivalist stars in ultra-scary environments like a Nicaraguan jungle or African Kill Zone, but we really wanted to up the ante this season with a show inside the much-feared Amazon Balls,” said show producer Hal Starkin. “Instead of avoiding lions or poisonous spiders, our protagonists will spend three entire weeks trying to find food and shelter while being hunted by Jeff Bezos himself.”
In a promo for the show that will air this summer, a ripped Bezos appears lurking behind the leaves of a $50,000 tropical plant imported from Madagascar with streaks of black paint beneath his eyes.
“Whose balls? MY BALLS,” whispered Bezos in a low rasp. “You think I built this thing just for the delight of Amazon employees? You think I got this swole just to cheat on my wife? No, no, my friends it was all leading up to this final mano-e-mano showdown.”
Show spoilers were seen live for anyone walking down Lenora.
“It looked like the show contestants were holed up in a high nest of sorts just shouting that Bezos will never be richer, smarter or hotter than Elon Musk,” said street spectator Rachel Owens. “They had Bezos balled up in a pretty good fetal position, so I think it worked.”
