Pressed for more details on what he would be spending his free time on after stepping down as CEO later this year, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos admitted what he really plans to do is spend more quality time with his subterranean sea of gold coins.
“I know, I know it sounds kind of corny and cliche, but it’s true: This whole pandemic got me thinking about our limited time on Earth and what really counts,” said Bezos while browsing vintage, striped bathing suits online. “And, for me, that’s definitely the ocean of gold coins floating underneath my home in Medina. For too many long nights, I’ve left its cold embrace empty, alone and unappreciated. That changes this year, right after I wipe that smile off Elon Musk’s face and become richest man in the world again.”
Though chasing billions and billions of dollars has been a decades-long passion for the CEO, Bezos says he’s finally ready to settle down with the $184 billion in gold coins he already has stored in his underground lair.
“Sure, it’s doesn’t have as many gilded mounds as it used to, especially after divorcing my ex, now the richest woman in the world,” Bezos said. “It’s the billions of dollars I’ve never paid in taxes on the inside that really matters.”
At press time, Bezos decided he couldn’t wait for his bathing suit’s premium Prime shipping any longer and would go skinny dipping tonight in the Golden Bay of Stolen Amazon Delivery Driver Tips.
